Looking Back...

I am sitting here at work and thinking back to various parts of my life and how that affects where I am today, and thought I would share. I was born very poor. Growing up, I knew what it was like to go to bed hungry, or not have shoes that fit. I knew what it meant to be an outcast. I also knew what it meant to be sexualized at the age of 4. I always turned to God to guide me and help me through the trials. And just as He said He would- God brought me to the other side of all those events. I was stronger and more sensitive to others for having gone through them.

Now, there have been several times, I turned away from God- questioning his existence, purpose, and his ability to help me. But somehow, I have always been shown He was there.

I have had many people I loved and trusted use and abuse me, but I still have the capacity to love and trust (a large thanks goes to my god-father, and my husband).

I was raped when I was 16 and got pregnant. I chose to place the baby for adoption for many reasons, but mainly because I wanted my child to have the things I didn't have growing up: love, security, family, stability. It was not an easy decision, but I felt in the depths of my soul it was the right one.

Now 13 years later, I am fighting to get pregnant again. The pain of knowing my past, is at times almost unbearable. However, just as before God holds my hand and gives me the stregnth to keep going.

I know all of this and more will mold my decisions as a mother (once the time comes). I pray God keeps my birth son- safe and close and lets him know I do love him and always will. And that God forms my "future" child into the perfect image of Himself!

Please contyinue to pray for us as we travel down this road! Thanks