I Quit!!! Done!

IN GOD'S TIMING!!!

God is Great!! ALL The Time!!! I can not express how amazed at the blessings God is showing us right now. When praying for AF- I wanted to hurry and come, but God knew the right time and he made it so I started my cycle on the right day so my co-worker would be back when I had to go to the Dr. I know that may not seem like such a miracle to some but it truly is in God's perfect timing! I wouldn't have been able to miss work while she was out to go to the dr for my labs. Praise HIM!

So Today, I went to the dr today for my baseline ultrasound, and bloodwork- Everything looks great. On Saturday I start taking the Letrazole meds to help me ovulate... and then I use a home ovulation kit to see if and when I ovulate. I BELIEVE!!!!

Next, Steven's is doing a little better on his ankle, He went to the doctor today to, and they gave himm an anti-inflammatory shot and he goes back Tuesday for a follow-up. BY HIS STRIPES WE ARE HEALED!!!!

Last but not least, Yesterday we called to look into a 1st time home buyers assistance program for help with the down payment. (Step Up www.ahfa.com) we filled out paper work with Regions to see if we qualified for it and what amount for a house we could get prequalified for, and they approved us for 200K. If you only knew how long Steven and I have been wanting to buy a house, but were just unable to come up with the down payment- you know how much of a true blessing this is. I am calling today to see what our next step is! TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!

I honestly am so overwhelmed with all the blessings God is showing us right now, I am almost in tears (happy tears!) We have had a rough time for the past 3 yrs with the Migraines, and the infertility, and staying strong for each other. But God heard all my prayers and the prayers of so many of you for us, and he is answering in His TIME!

Cycle Day 1

Aunt flow finally arrived! and at the right moment! God's timing is perfect even when we try to rush it. So now I go in for my baselines and ultrasound on Thursday.. and Pray we ovulate!

Monday Morning Blahs...

Well the weekend is over and I am back at work...blah! What I weekend- almost glad to be back to work... As I said previously, Midnight had a horrible day Saturday, and then Sunday Steven rolled his ankle. He is in a boot and on crutches and can't do anything for himself, so I am wore out. I made sure he had everything I could possibly get him, before I left for work this morning. And said to call if anything happened. So I think he will be okay today.

Another positive for being at work today is my evil co-worker, who brings me down with her sorry attitude is off for the next 3 days! YAY!! It does mean I have more work to do but, it is so worth it not to have to hear her complain about absolutely everything she does. She is the type of person who feels like she should get paid without doing any work.

Thank you Lord, for the small miracles! My work days will go so much smoother without her here!

Changing topics: At the beginning of next month I will schedule to take to MAT to get into Grad school at AUM for the fall. Grad school is something I have wanted to do since undergrad, but financially was unable to, but now seems like a possibility. I have been studying vocabulary words like crazy for the past month. I know this is a lot to take on while trying to get pregnant, but I at least want to know I can do it, and taking the MAT and getting in is the first step. I can always take a break if/when I do get pregnant. No need to put other plans on hold, until it is a sure thing. :)

Well the weekend is almost over, and still no AF. Praying for Patience.

Had a rough day yesterday. Midnight, our lab went to the vet for her annual checkup, and has another bladder infection...uuugh! Then afterwards, we decided to take her to the park to play fetch. If you know Midnight, you know she loves Fetch!!! She did great! But after about 10-15 minutes she started seizing, or so we think. After about 3-5 minutes of that and her peeing herself, we finally got her in the car to come home. I got so upset, I got another migraine. So it ruined the better part of the rest of my day. Steven did some research online and we can't decide if Midnight has EIC (Excercise Induced Collapse) or not.

Well, I hope the rest of today is better, cleaning and laundry on the agenda.

God grant me...

...the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference. Amen

a daily prayer that really has come to mean something personal to me over the past few months. Before this was just something I saw randomly displayed in people's homes, or desks or heard people say, Never really looking at what the words actually meant. Now I understand!

I can not change my Past- So I need Serenity to accept it and gain a sense of peace about it. I have learned to just accept it. I can not change others and the decisions they made to hurt me. I can only let go of the pain so I don't torture myself with the questions of "WHY ME?" I look to Christ for strength and Serenity.

Making an effort to overcome my infertility problems- That took Courage. It is easy to lock yourself under the labels, "I Can't Have Kids," "there's Nothing I can do", but the truth is there is something we can do.
It is a lot easier for couples to stop trying NOT to have a baby and if they get pregnant - Great!, than it is to plan and decide to "force" yourself to have a baby. This is scary business. But I prayed for the Courage and God lead me this way.

Now, I know I dont have control over this process- God does. But I am doing what I can do to help (so to say). It is like the old story:

***********************************The Flood Story*****************************

A flood threatens a town, forcing everyone to evacuate, But Joe thinks, "I'm a devout man, God will save me," and staysput. As the waters rise, Joe's neighbor comes by and says, "Joe come with me, we've got to go." Joe declines, "I'm a devout man, God will save me." The waters keep rising, Joe scrambles to his second floor. A firefighter in a rowboat comes by. "Get in the boat or you'll drown," he says. Joe again declines, saying, "God will save me. So this flood story goes."
Finally, the flood waters force Joe to his roof. A police helicopter comes by and throws down a rope. "Climb up or you'll drown," the policeman yells. "No, I'm a devout man, God will save me," Joe replies.

Soon, Joe drowns. He arrives in heaven and challenges God. "Why didn't you help me?" "What do you mean?" God says. "I did help. I sent a neighbor, a firefighter and a helicopter."

Like Joe, many of us wait for something to rescue us while we miss opportunities to help ourselves.
Make a plan - Form a vision of what you want to achieve, then develop a plan of how to make that vision a reality, To judge whether an opportunity is one to seize or let pass you need to Understand whether it fits your goals.
Make a commitment - Get used to saying no, Get used to saying yes.But whatever you do, do it with commitment and conviction. Like Joe, we have to learn to recognize opportunities and then grab them

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Well that's my lesson for the day. Accept the things you cannot change and make plans and take actions to change the things you can. and when the opportunities come that you have prayed for- hopefully you will have the Wisdom needed to take it .

Now, a quick update on the progress or laCk of. Aunt Flow hasn't come yet. and Biology lets me know without AF, no ovulation can occur, and no pregnancy. Now, I know they can try various other procedures before we are completely out of hope, and it could take up to 2 weeks for the shot to take effect, so I am not giving in yet, but definitely bummed a bit! Pray for me and Steven. I know it will work out in God's timing.

Well, it is mid-morning and Aunt Flow (AF) has not come to visit yet. The nurse called yesterday to let me know my Thyroid and Prolactin tests were normal, and my pregnancy test came back negative (which was a big shock- NOT!) She did say this shot could take up to 2 weeks to work, so I am praying for patience now.
I am so afraid of getting my hopes up too high, so I am always praying to stay grounded through this process.
I read a devotional today that I would like to share, it really spoke to me. Not neccessarily with the fertility part but with life in general.

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"The right word spoken at the right time is as beautiful as gold apples in a silver bowl." (Proverbs 25:11 ncv).

There are so many ways we can follow Jesus' example and be a servant to others- sometimes simply by doing ordinary work with cheerfulness. A friend's letter reminded me of that fact. She wrote to say her uncle, a Christian, went with his wife to a Hardee's drive and ordered breakfast. The couple ate there often, she said, and the boy who took their order recognized her uncle's voice and said, "Come on up, partner. We're waiting for you."
Just then the uncle grabbed his chest and said to his wife, "I'll see you in heaven!" And he was gone. The woman wrote:
At my uncle's funeral the minister said, "The voice over the speaker may have been the order-taker's, but it was a message straight from Jesus: 'Come on up, partner; we're waiting on you."

If you thought your words would be the last earthly thing someone heard, would it make a difference in what you said, and how you said it?
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I don't know why, but I really enjoyed this devotion by Barbara Johnson "Daily Splashes of Joy".

I will sign-off for now but will keep you updated on my progress.

Looking Back...

I am sitting here at work and thinking back to various parts of my life and how that affects where I am today, and thought I would share. I was born very poor. Growing up, I knew what it was like to go to bed hungry, or not have shoes that fit. I knew what it meant to be an outcast. I also knew what it meant to be sexualized at the age of 4. I always turned to God to guide me and help me through the trials. And just as He said He would- God brought me to the other side of all those events. I was stronger and more sensitive to others for having gone through them.

Now, there have been several times, I turned away from God- questioning his existence, purpose, and his ability to help me. But somehow, I have always been shown He was there.

I have had many people I loved and trusted use and abuse me, but I still have the capacity to love and trust (a large thanks goes to my god-father, and my husband).

I was raped when I was 16 and got pregnant. I chose to place the baby for adoption for many reasons, but mainly because I wanted my child to have the things I didn't have growing up: love, security, family, stability. It was not an easy decision, but I felt in the depths of my soul it was the right one.

Now 13 years later, I am fighting to get pregnant again. The pain of knowing my past, is at times almost unbearable. However, just as before God holds my hand and gives me the stregnth to keep going.

I know all of this and more will mold my decisions as a mother (once the time comes). I pray God keeps my birth son- safe and close and lets him know I do love him and always will. And that God forms my "future" child into the perfect image of Himself!

Please contyinue to pray for us as we travel down this road! Thanks

Well no advacement in AF coming to visit. Had the Progesterone shot yesterday and dr said it could take up to a few days before starting. This is vital to the rest of the process. I feel a litle crampy, but thats all. Didn't sleep great last night- the dogs couldnt decide whether to sleep on the bed or off, under the covers or on top, and thought breakfast was suppose to come WAAAY to early. I guess preperations for what's to come! I can tell Steven is very nervous about this process, and I understand why. I think once it happenes he will be so estatic!! Well Updates as they come...Keep us all in your prayers.

Infertility Journey

This will be my journey to trying to get pregnant. I was diagnosed in 2005 with PCOS. Our plan was to be marrried 5 yrs before having kids, but we have adjusted that plan a bit. For the past 6- 8 months we have tried to conceive with no luck. I am not ovulating naturally. So today we went to a fertility specialist to help us complete our family.

Today I had a vaginal ultrasound done, and got to see my ovaries for the first time (pretty cool.) The nurse counted quickly 28 cysts on my right ovary and just as many on the left. So this is clearly one reason why we haven't been successful getting pregnant. So today they gave me a shot of Progesterone (OUCH!) in the hip and hopefully I will start a my cycle in the next few days.